This problem is so serious that we must stop all research into curing cancers, AIDS and all those other things we've been wasting time, money and brain power on, until we solve this one problem. Even you smart people at NASA, put down your projects and help out with a more than worthy cause! Those of you trying to come up with a clean, cheap alternative to oil, put down your pencils and start working on something we could all benefit from. Come on now, I'm sure if we put our minds to it we can come up with a painless catheter!
I mean it, this is just ridiculous! We have the technology to survive re-entry into Earth's atmosphere (let alone leave it in the first place), and yet when a nurse needs to get a urine sample millions are put through days of excruciating pain. Oh I know they say "You'll only feel a slight pinch" and "It may burn a little next time you urinate" but its all lies! When you stick a tube into a hole God designed to be an out hole, you're going to get a lot more than a pinch and little pain peeing. You're going to be writhing in pain and screaming on the toilet for the next week at least!
There is a reason why catheters are painful and its even more upsetting than the pain itself. It's a secret punishment nurses inflect on us because we dared to have an emergency. Perhaps this hidden anger comes from having to do twice the work of doctors for a fraction of the pay.
We have to put a stop to the conspiracy to block catheter improving research! Write to your Governors, Congress Reps, Senators, even the President! Demand a painless catheter! If we all band together our collective voice will be heard and change will not be far off!
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